Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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