What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
