My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
