I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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