i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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