"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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