I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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