I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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