yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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