The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Barsexuality is the new black.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
