My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
