Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
