I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
