capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
