So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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