We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm too high and old for this...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
