Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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