i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
