So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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