Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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