I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
