you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
