Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
