he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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