My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
