i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
