dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
