I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
