just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
