you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
