Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
