You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
