can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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