My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
