Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
