dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Someone shit on the floor
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
