I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
