found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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