You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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