Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
