for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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