chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
