I think I am morally bankrupt
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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