All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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