My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
