It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
