I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
