Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
