I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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