I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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