i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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